"flying--- at the speed of sound."

let it be stated that legwarmers are a brilliant invention. unless you find yourself unable to locate said legwarmers. then, dear reader, they are simply a genius of a concept....

the other day, i shuffled through a few hours of work, a massive smile plastered on my face for no reason. in an instant i realized--- people don't function in a postoffice, grinning to be there. so i toned it down, in hopes of avoiding attention.

i am contemplating the possibility... no, FUTURE, of a 20x zoom with 10megapixels and becoming giddy. yes i have a camera on its way, being shipped starting... TOMORROW. oh happy day.


being without a camera has been torture to me. as i told a friend: i've felt like a wordy person who is fond of talking, who has been afflicted with laryngitis. however, instead of being unable to express what i wish to convey through jabber, i cannot capture the beauty i'm wishing to share and participate in. oh bother....


idiotic, yes... my funds are lessening with each passing day, but i still find myself purchasing music, incontrollably it seems. along with a steaming americano--- grrr! stupid americans, we are hopelessly in debt and unaware of the definition of "budget"...


on the flip side, the music i've purchased rocks [alright, it doesn't rock, since its rather indie-folk-alternative, but you get the picture...]



enough for now. the rest... is up in the air.

i remain,

insane.

-c

"...everything I love gets lost in drawers."

well, as usual, its the wee hours of the morning. i can't sleep because i slept today... does that make any sense? [i wish it would make some cents, at least, as mine are sadly dwindling as the month goes on....]

*ahem*

its foggy and damp out there, but i like it much better than the rain. its winter-ish. but it IS november. and almost the holidays. i hate them. but these will be better because i can make music this season. thankfully.

speaking of music, i've been making it on a toy...piano. its awesome. i drove about the other evening, piano in the car, with a magical "twinkle" of the keys every few bumps... a nice little c chord to compliment paul simon's ballad... it was lovely.

i can't make photos still, to my dismay. i never thought having no camera would hurt so badly. but it does. i am an idiot...

FACT-my feet are freezing.

the random thought clambered into my mind today of how difficult it is for me to accept the fact that my parents' roles in my life have faded into the background and no longer take precedence over all my friends. i used to be proud of this fact. my mother and father were number one in my circle of friends... they would always be at the top of my priorities. true, my father is still extremely important to me and close. but i don't turn to him first at every step like i would in the past.

of course we all become adults, moving away from our folks in more than a physical sense. but for me, this occurred very late, and i still have difficulty comprehending that its reality at times. like today. in the fog and chill.

last night, i saw my mom's hands and heard her voice while i was speaking. i saw her lay down on the floor by a cat tonight as i did this. i see her, daily, gripping the steering wheel, of my car, using my hands. its confusing. especially when i wake up, having been haunted by her in my dreams.

[try explaining the definition of "HAUNT" to a five-year old boy trying to learn to play piano...]

life is bizarre.